Mom Guilt is Real: Here’s How I Cope
Mommies how y’all feel? Parents, y’all alright!? I’m gonna be honest, #MomGuilt has really been coming for me lately. Running a business while also being a full time parent feels a lot like juggling a bunch of balls...while they’re on fire. I make tough decisions everyday, like not being able to pick up Juju from school so I can close a deal to continue to provide for her. Or missing out on helping with homework so I can meet a deadline for a partnership. It’s enough to make me want to throw in the towel. But I can’t do that! So here’s how I cope.
Feel the Feelings
First step: feel the feels! Acknowledgement of a problem is the first step to a solution. As uncomfortable as it is, whenever I feel a wave of Mom Guilt creeping up on me I fully own my emotions. They’re natural: pretending not to have them doesn’t make them go away any faster.
After I accept the way I’m feeling, I try not to beat myself up about it. ‘Cause here’s the thing about Mom Guilt: you’ll always have it. When you’re doing all the things and making all the moves, you may not have time to be the picture perfect parent. But guess what, high achiever? Those are your expectations, not your kid’s. It’s so comforting to know that Juju loves me no matter what and no amount of work or time away can change that.
Start, Stop, Sustain
We’re talking about mom guilt here, but I’m about to share with you the framework that I use to power through anything. If I ever need to reevaluate a situation, I ask myself these three questions:
What can I start?
What do I need to stop?
What should I sustain, or continue?
These three help me focus on what changes I can make now, what is no longer working and what has been successful in pursuit of my goal. Now let’s apply this to mom guilt.
What can I start? I’ve started carving out more 1-on-1 time for just Juju and me, especially if work has started to pick up.
What do I need to stop? I always ask myself how I can create a stronger boundary between work and home life. No calls after dinner? Homework time blocked off on my calendar? This looks different for everyone, but one thing I challenge you to stop right now is feeling bad about it. Guilt on top of guilt is not a good look!
What should I continue? It’s easy to just focus on the negative when you’re feeling guilty, but remind yourself of just how many things you’ve been getting right with this whole parenthood thing. Sis, you doing a good job! Make a quick list of your mom wins this week and watch your outlook turn around.
Tell It Like It Is!
Fastest way out of your head is to use your voice. Talking about how I feel helps me to navigate those feelings and actually do something about them. When Mom Guilt kicks in, I always let Juju know up front. She sometimes needs that reassurance that I haven’t forgotten about her and that I miss our quality time, too.
It also helps to have a community of moms who know how you feel. The village it takes to raise a child is the same village that will have your back when you need a listening ear. Trust me, they’ve all been there. Your fellow moms may be able to help you see the situation from a different perspective.
As far as I can tell, there’s no way to escape Mom Guilt. (It’s one of the side effects of being ambitious that they don’t tell you about!) But there’s no reason to let it stop you. Feel the feelings, talk it out and do your best moving forward. One thing for sure: your kid loves you, flaws and all.
